If at first you don't succeed, FORGET skydiving.

Every time I close the door on reality it comes through the window.

There was a long silence. Then a slightly shorter silence.

"I don't recognize that guy. I bet he dies." -- Crow

I'll save you the time. They're all dead - Mike

Beam me up, Scotty! It ate my phaser.

You're a 3 decked sauerkraut and toadstool sandwich with arsenic sauce!

Why, how kind of you to come rub elbows briefly with the peons ...

What goes around often gets dizzy and falls right over.

I'm sorry. Did I say that out loud?

Power corrupts; absolute power is kind of neat.

He who dies with the most toys, is, nonetheless, still dead.

Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.

'I know' is just 'I Believe' with delusions of grandeur

Twisted mind? No, just bent in several strategic places.

recurse: (v) to swear again. i.e. "Damn that dog! Damn him!"

Murphy's rule of combat: Incoming fire has right of way.

"Camelot!" -- Lancelot "It's only a model!" -- Patsy

I am long past innocence and fast approaching apathy.

"I see you shiver with antici ... pation!" - Frank N. Furter

"_'M ST_P_D" Pat, I'd like to buy an 'O', please.

*BLAM!* *BLAM!* Make peck'ular patterns in my wheat field, will ya?!

80-hour work weeks make Jack a blubbering psychopath.

"Away in a *murder*. No crib for a *death*!" -- Tom Servo

"All the candles... What'd she do, loot a Pier One?" -- Crow

"Beverly Hills Cop: The slow, white version!" -- Crow

"Can we get *somebody* in the frame, please?" -- Crow

Look that up in your Funk and Wagnell.


Well ring my chimes!

She's a witch! Burn her!

Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.

He's dead Jim! You get his tricorder and I'll get his wallet.

Drive definsivly: buy a tank.

Reality is a figment of your imagination.

Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy.

Insanity is my only means of relaxation.

My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.

Stress reducer: Put a bag on your head. Mark it "Closed for remodeling."

Reason to smile: Every seven minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.

Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional.

Ya only THINK I'm devious, actually, I'm far more twisted.

The harder you fall the higher you bounce.

I came to see you off, and you certainly are!

How can I learn from my misteaks? I never make any!

Well how will I know if you're telling the truth.

Take this job and shovel it.

"Ironman, how do you copy, over." Crow: "Uh, With a Xerox machine,over."

Live and don't learn, that's me.

I'm not giving him a penalty for fighting! You didn't fight back!

must... resist... can't... use... smiley...

What is this the hell that this is?

It's been lovely, but I have to scream now.

My karma ran over your dogma.

Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.

If you don't like the news, go out and make some of your own.

Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

There's one in every crowd and they always find me.

Cynics are people who know the price of everything and the value of nothing.

Okay, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check?

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!' till you can find a rock.

I brake for no apparent reason.

Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.

"Thank goodness I was able to salvage this girl!" -- Crow T. Robot

If you were to ask me this question, what would my answer be?

Guns don't kill people .. unless you throw them real hard.

Don't talk to me while I'm interrupting you.

"That rodent's go' a viscious streak a mile wide!"

Those who think they know everything annoy those of us who do.

In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.

"Oh my! Imperials ! RUNAWAY RUNAaaa...SZAAAAP...thunk"

A doctor said, "This injection won't hurt a bit." That's an MD promise.

For stress: Forget the diet center and send yourself a candy gram.

There are no stupid questions, only stupid people.

We judge reality by the responses of our senses.

Wanted: Man with cute ass and tight jeans with front bulge.

Next exit: Food, Gas, Lodging and MURDER - Crow

Death and his dog: Fetch!.....Sit up....Play dead...~THUNK~...Spot? Spot?

Just cannot resist a little fun along the way.

Commit the oldest sins the newest kind of ways.

My favorite color? Red. No, BluAAAAAHHH!

If evolution were a fact then cats would use can openers.

When in charge, ponder. When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate.

Bleeding will always stop, eventually.

Another costumed maniac - what's happening here?!

So many idiots, so few bullets.

Never knock on death's door. Ring the doorbell and run. He hates that.

See Dick drink. See Dick Drive. See Dick die. Don't be a Dick!

Poor baby. My heart bleeds for you. Squirt, squirt.

My bologna has a last name, it's H-O-F-F-A...

Truth, like reality, is a slippery thing.

Pound forehead on keyboard to continue...

Gee, I feel like an idiot.... Someone want me to get one?

You don't have to be crazy to do this....but it surely helps!

Are you trying to confuse with me facts?

I was disarmed by the grubby little outstretched mauler.

*ALERT* Megamaid has gone from suck to BLOW!

He Sang Get-along Little Doggie, So I Bought A Dachshund.

If we're going to have fun, we've got to be serious about it.

Mr. Worf, fire at will. >>ZAP!<< Hey! Where'd Riker go?

"He was over Unger and I was over Dunn."

There's a whole manual of obsolete features!

Get the facts first. You can distort them later.

Hey, lookit that! A shark wearing Frank's SCUBA gear!

I tried to question reality but couldn't get a subpeona.

"I haven't even begun to retaliate."

Too bad stupidity isn't painful.

Nobody's perfect, but I'm not Nobody!

By the pricking of my thumb, something scary this way comes.

Set phasers to Shake and Bake!

Please excuse him for being. It was his mother's fault.

If you're not scaring the cat, you're not doing it right.

Arkansas figured out a way to get rid of Clinton, why can't we?

I remember my fathers last words: "Tomorrow you're outta my will."

"A do-nothing lackluster wherever he sat." -- A. Haig on George Bush

Guru, Center for Advanced Cat Juggling

Drink wet cement - get well and truly stoned.

We are not punished for our sins but by them.

Nothing is foolproof. The fools are too ingenious

Sun can't shine on the same dog's ass everyday - Crow

Men fight because of causes. Causes exist that men may fight.

A penny for your thoughts? Hey, you owe me change!

I should be with you right now.

I have a rope and an ostrich feather, and I know how to use them.

My computer has cables... so why can't it get HBO?

(The black road) passed through madness into chaos and kept going.

There is no Reality here, just imagination........Oh Boy!!

Eagles soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

Never hit a man with glasses; hit him with your fist.

Gimme a bottle of anything, and a glazed donut - TO GO!

These people are natural-born idiots if you ask me.

And now for something completely different.

Psychiatrist: A man who doesn't have to worry, as long as others do.

When you read you gain knowledge. And as we all know, knowledge is power. Power corrupts, corruption's a crime, and crime doesn't pay. So if you read, you'll go broke!

I will defend to your death my right to my opinion.

Poets have been strangely silent on the subject of cheese.

Whip out those weird instruments of science and probe away! -The Tick

Okay, who's the wise guy who moved the balcony?!

Make like a sheep and flock off.

Make up your mind; do you want us to patronize you or not?

My only regret is that I can not be here in person.

He's skating on the wrong side of the ice.

Idiot: Anyone driving faster than you. Moron: Anyone driving slower.

They'll never catch up! They're 2 sound stages away! -- Joel

"Someone get `refueled' this weekend?" -- Crow

If I knew how to spell, I could use a dictionary.

It's turning blue. Can we have some heat please? - Crow

Life goes on, but why?

Curiosity killed the cat. Passing interest only wounded it.

Get your mind out of the gutter, and while you're there - GET MINE!

That's not a Yes or No Question! You forfeit your remaining questions!

Never insult a crocodile until you are safely across the river.

The views of this user are strictly her own.

It must be the pretzels!

You can't judge a book by its movie.

Truth exists. Only lies have to be invented.

"Here's to your death, big guy!" Crow

I wanna be like Peter Pan.....I'll never, ever, ever grow up!

Don't regret growing older... it's a privilege denied to many

It takes less time to do the right thing than to explain the wrong.

I am the gold at the end of the rainbow. - DarkWing Duck

Hello, the lawyer lied.

Hey, they're flying over a pot roast! And it looks delicious!

Actually, what I want is a little toy spaceship!

Funny you should use the word "taste"...

It's just the IDEA of an inflatable rubber starship that bothers me.

Don't worry the next message will be better!

He who argues with the laws of chemistry and physics loses.

I think he's self conscious about his big ole'butt - Crow

Buddy can you spare a clue?

Not necessarily. I *could* be arguing in my spare time.

Do not mock Silly Putty.

This is a job for...AACK! WAAUUGGHH!!...someone else.

Leave me alone, I'm having a sexual fantasy!

I drink to make other people interesting.

Ensigns never die. They just come back as different characters.

Now go tell your mommie you have been using her computer.

Hi. I'm not in this -Crow as guy walks through background

Money talks but it doesn't say when it's coming back.

Alright, who put the bomp in the bomp-she-bomp-she-bomp?

Alien intelligence? Let's find some on Earth first.

Pardon my driving, I'm trying to reload.

Guys? Is it bad when there are THAT many fires on the horizon?

Time waits for no one at all, not even you.

Played poker with Tarot cards. Got a flush. 5 people died.

My personal gravity must have reversed polarity!

Youth is NOT wasted on the young! Er, could I *borrow* some?

Don't bother looking. It will turn up when you least expect it.

Transcripts of my life are available, ask for details.

Gee officer, the icepick just FLEW out of my hands.. 17 times.

Clinton, Rodham and Gore: Three Stooges of the '90's

"Just browsing, thanks."

Missing - man who claims to be a politician escapes Arkansas funny farm.

I should warn you I'm experiencing violent impulses...

Never, never, never *MOON* a werewolf.

There must be more to life than sitting wondering if there is more to life.

Calvin, we will not have an anatomically correct snowman.

If you can't understand it, it must be intuitive.

Who's more foolish? The fool, or the fool that follows him?

Math Problems? Call 1-800-10x(24+13)-(64-16)/2 36x2.

But we can't prosecute you for that.

"Shut up. You're going to jail." - Batman

For the non-discriminating, non-judgmental, psychotic, all around nut.

Porn to City: Drop Dead - Crow

The other day I was -- No wait! That wasn't me...

Hindsight is always 20-20.

Tracing the Family Tree isn't easy - It's a Jungle out there!

I hate four letter words--like cook, iron, wash, diet...

Under all these clothes, I'm completely nekkid and feeling gooooood....

Clap on (clap clap). Clap off (clap clap).

Ask a silly person, get a silly answer.

Off we go into the wild blue yonder, .......splat!!!

When there is a choice between two evils- Take Both!!

We all live in a yellow submarine...

Show me the glen where the kippers roam free.


I'd love to, but I have some hard words to look up in the dictionary.

Your blonde roots are showing, dear.

I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts...

We are not a commitee!

"I've written a topical, satirical review" -- Crow

Four food groups: Fast, Frozen, Instant and Microwave.

Aw, Mom, you act like I'm not even wearing a bungee cord! -Calvin

Sometimes the only good things on TV are the clock and vase.

Sometimes when it's quiet, you can hear brain cells die.

Lonliness is a thirst. It is a flower, dying in a desert.

It's a bird, It's a plane, Oppppsss, it's a bird.

"You're really not going to like it." - Deep Thought

You gotta love this place. Every day's like Halloween. ~ Mulder

Guns are not evil, people are.

See me...Feel me...Touch me...Heal me...

STICK \'stik\ n. 1: A boomerang that don't work.

Uncle Jim's outta control! We frag him today! - Mike

Never attribute to malice what can be blamed on stupidity.

Know when to fight and when to run.

"Quick! Everybody run around!" -- Crow

Death and taxes may both be certain, but at least death isn't annual.

"Eat floor. High fiber." - Batman

Don't hate yourself in the morning - sleep till noon.

I'm beginning to think you have too much free time.

Guy: How bad am I? * Tom: Well, you're in THIS movie.

This is an arrogant and patronizing tagline.

For some reason the little Penguins make us laugh.

Factorials were someone's attempt to make math LOOK exciting.

He's The LEAST dangerous man in America!

Look who's staying with us! It's our special friend!

"What are these films trying to teach us?" -- Crow

Honest, Officer Phelan! The smurf was on fire when I got here!

Hell, I don't know. Just ask me, I'll tell ya.

Is there a lawyer in the house? Is there another?

I dont read these either...

Have fun, don't get caught.

No springs!!

A BANDAID!? Damn it Jim,I'm a doctor,not a-oh, never mind.

Ignorance is a *fault*, not an excuse."

What do you mean? You actually read this Tagline?!

Ahh! I get it!! The Universe *doesn't* make sense!!

In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is insane.

Always forgive you enemies - nothing annoys them so much.

I blow my nose at you.

I don't mean to panic, but my alphabet soup spells "Don't worry about me, save yourself!!"

I need someone really bad... are you really bad?

There's too much blood in my alcohol system.

The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.

Born free... taxed to death.

If you smoke after sex, you're doing it too fast.

If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.

Has anyone seen my sanity? If so, shoot it!

Welcome to last years meeting of the Procrastinators Club.

Old Skiers never die, they just go over the hill.

Dooming means you never have to say your sorry.

I don't have a solution, but I do admire the problem.

You go Uruguay, I'll go mine.

Deja Moo - the feeling you've heard this bull before.


Who are we to stand in the way of a tractor/trailor?

It's not cute being this easy.

I was up above, now I'm down in it.

Try it. It's bound' to be fun.

What? Monday again! Didn't we have that last week?

Good girls go to heaven..but bad girls go EVERYWHERE!!!

Are you intelligent? Then use it!

Even more taglines!

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